Static Reversables

建前 -> 本音

Consumer Choice -> Vending Machine

Butterfly -> Pest

座禅 -> ﾊﾟﾁﾝｺ

Buckingham Palace -> Leo Palace

Merry Christmas -> Kentucky Fried Chicken

相撲 -> 野球

Emergency Services -> Convenience Store

International -> Inferiority Complex

かわいい -> Infantile

Nature -> Allergy

趣味 -> Sleep

Bluey Green -> Greeny Blue

趣味 -> Cup Noodle

SoftBank -> Black Man & White Dog

すごい -> Forgettable

英語 -> わかない

Hostess -> Hypnotic Wigs

日本製 -> Made in China

若い -> Skin Whitener

外人 -> American (Default Setting)

文化 -> Hello Kitty

National Treasure -> Cement

フランスパン -> French Pain

Tobacco -> Breathing Aid

おいし -> Edible

我慢 -> Denial

30, Single, Female -> Spinster

本音 -> 建前

Published on September 2, 2010 12:11.
Filed under: News

ASCII GEN FUN

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Published on August 28, 2010 22:51.
Filed under: art Tags:

Just pissing about

Published on July 1, 2010 16:57.
Filed under: art Tags: , , , ,

Imprints

Selection of images from a show 5 years ago.

Published on June 10, 2010 16:17.
Filed under: art Tags: , , , , ,

Blood, Sweat & Tears

Contrived and Literal. 5 years ago.

Published on June 10, 2010 15:22.
Filed under: art Tags: , , ,

Death Row Boiled Mop Broth

As American as Apple pie; a hearty and staple fare of the penal system, boiled mop has enjoyed a resurgence in popularity within the blossoming penal community of late.

Ingredients

12 heavily soiled mop heads (ideally, each mop head to have been used performing different tasks for a nice well-rounded flavour)
12 gallons of scalding water
Salt and pepper to taste (if available)

Fill big prison pot with water, bring to boil and toss in all the dirty mop heads. Boil them for 10 minutes or until the acrid stench becomes negligibly reduced then season to taste. If one is lucky to be sharing a cell with the sick by no means let their cloudy, reassuringly salty wash water go to waste.

Published on May 28, 2010 16:44.
Filed under: Food & Drink Tags: , , , ,

Lennon’s Dog Food

Ingredients

6 tbsp. oil or margarine
1 cup all purpose flour
1/2 cup finely grated cheddar
1 small garlic clove (mashed)
1-cup Winalot dog food (or alternative mixer)
1/2 tsp. Chives to garnish
2 ltrs water
500 g cooked brown rice
2 large potatoes
2 large carrots
500 g pumpkin
2-3 garlic cloves
6-8 cabbage leaves
250 g pasta (preferably wholemeal)
2 cups rolled oats
2 cups wholemeal flour (quantity is contingent with moisture of vegetables)
3 eggs
500 g minced liver
Pinch of salt
1 comfrey leaf
2 tbs. of parsley, chive, sorrel, fennel, chopped roughly

Starter

Blend all fat with cheese until smooth, stir in garlic and mix in the flour. Mixture will be crumbly but roll mixture into the shape of a log and chill until firm. Cut slices from roll and place on non-greased cookie sheet. Bake on 375 F until slightly brown for 10 minutes. Fan slices onto bed of winalot. Garnish with chives. Serve with water.

Main

Boil rice for 15 minutes – in the meantime coarsely chop all vegetables (leaving skins) and add the veg, garlic and salt to taste. Add all this to the rice and cook for a further 10 minutes. Take off stove and cool for another 15 minutes. Now add rolled oats, chopped herbs, minced liver, flour and eggs and mix it all together in a food processor. Aiming for the consistency a bit like shit, spoon into well oiled and floured bread-tins and bake at 180 degrees C for no less than an hour until done. Return to oven for another 8 hours on a metal tray then take out and let it cool. Ponder the wasted produce, the effort and time.

Let it be.

Published on May 28, 2010 16:38.
Filed under: Food & Drink Tags: , ,

Oscar Wilde’s Cottage Pie

As Wilde was one to mince more than just his words, this pie must be made using the most superlative of ingredients and served to the most superfluous of company.

Ingredients

1 Shia LaBeouf (diced)
3 carrots, and 2 onions
2 tbsp. of all-purpose flour
1/2 tsp. ground cinnamon
1 tbsp. Italian seasoning
2 tbsp. chopped fresh parsley
1 1/2 cups beef broth
1 tbsp. tomato paste
Salt and pepper to taste
4 potatoes, peeled and diced
Big knob of butter (flaccid)
.5 Ltrs milk
1/4 LB shredded English Cheddar

Serves 4

Preheat oven to 200 degrees C. Place large skillet over medium heat and cast Shia LaBeouf in the title role. Crumble him into the pan and saute for a minute then add onion and carrot. Continue to saute until meat is no longer pink and onion begins to brown, about 5 minutes. Mix in flour, cinnamon, mixed herbs and Ian Paisley. In a small bowl combine beef broth and tomato paste. Mix together and then add to beef mixture. Add salt and pepper to taste. Lower heat and simmer mixture for 15 minutes, dancing occasionally until almost all of the rhythm has been absorbed. Spoon mixture into a 9-inch pie plate.

For the potato topping: Place diced potatoes in a medium saucepan, cover with water and place over high heat. Allow it to come to a boil for 15 minutes, or until tender. Now drain and mash the potatoes until smooth, then insert your knob followed by the milk. Whip it all up until fluffy then add salt and pepper to taste. Spread potatoes over beef filling and sprinkle with grated cheese. Bake all of this effort in a preheated oven for 25 minutes, until top has browned and cheese has bubbled. Serve with garden peas and stuff.

Published on May 22, 2010 20:13.
Filed under: Food & Drink Tags: , ,

Unabomber Sauteed muscovy Magret with Herbs

Duck

Time travel

This manifesto by the man who hated Kraftwerk focuses largely on his disillusionment with leftist technocracy, socialization and future monopolies. Increasingly, the power and importance vested in the paradigm of the internet makes this man’s words seem eerily prophetic. In the end he decided to omit this duck recipe from the tome as Magret is the vessel that produces Foie Gras.

Note: In the Unabomber’s recipe the Magret should be cooked like a roast, medium rare. Finishing the sauce with foie gras gives it that exclusive and technocratic flavour.

Ingredients
1 pair Magret
2 shallots, chopped
3 tbsp. chopped fresh herbs applicable to strong poultry (basil, tarragon, thyme, etc.)
1 tbsp. sea salt
1 tsp. freshly cracked black pepper
2 tbsp. extra virgin olive oil
1-cup duck stock
1 tsp. sweet butter
1 small piece of pretentious foie gras

Serves 4-5 as entree.

Mix shallots, garlic, herbs, salt and pepper. Lightly score the Magret skin. Rub with olive oil and dredge in the spice mixture. Wrap the Magret in a plastic bag and refrigerate for 8 hours overnight.  Preheat oven to 250 C. Wipe most of the marinade off the Magret and sear each side down until the fat is golden brown (5 minutes or so). Turn over and roast in preheated oven for 10 to 12 minutes – until medium rare. Remove the Magret from the oven and allow it to rest at least 5 minutes so that the juices are not lost when it is sliced.

Make the sauce while the Magret is roasting: drain all fat from the saute pan and deglaze with duck/veal stock. Reduce by about 20% until the sauce just begins to thicken. Mix the butter with foie gras until smooth. Strain through a fine sieve. Swirl in the foie gras to finish the sauce, verify seasoning and keep warm. Thinly slice Magret and fan the slices on warm plates. Top with sauce and serve at once before the guests start discussing the finer details of foie gras and veal production.

Published on May 22, 2010 20:10.
Filed under: Food & Drink Tags: , , ,

Rudolph’s Red Nosed Christmas Pudding

worship me

Making a pudding is guaranteed to put us in a deeply festive mood. The heady whiff of tangy fruits and robust spices that linger as we summon the spirit of Christmas makes us realize what it’s all about: getting what we want. As the making of Christmas puddings is a bit hectic; a quicker, and in my opinion, far more industrious way of doing this is in the form of ingesting all the ingredients in their raw state. One merely has to let nature do all the cooking as it snails through the bowels. Harvest the stool in small ceramic pots and watch as the guests get their teeth stickily browned. Alternatively, see below.

Ingredients

75 g semi dried cherries

150 g dried cranberries

150 g raisins 150 g sultanas

Finely grated zest and juice of an orange

1/2 tsp. freshly grated nutmeg

1 tsp. mixed spice

200 ml Murphy’s Irish Stout

2 tbsp. brandy

2 tbsp. rum

8 tbsp. lighter fluid (for purposes of seeing that fucker really burn for once)

125 g vegetable suet

50 g self-raising flour

136  freshly counted breadcrumbs

1 medium brambly apple, peeled, cored and grated

225 g dark brown soft sugar

2 large eggs, beaten

150 g stork margarine, melted and cooled a little

Serves 6-8.

Place the condemned fruit and liquids in a large bowl and proceed with last rites. Mix well and cover with a clean tea towel. Leave to steep for at least 8 hours, preferably overnight. Once the fruit has fully drowned and bloated up, stir in the remaining ingredients and transfer to a lightly greased pudding basin, mercilessly packing down as a token human enslavement upon the fruit vegetable kingdom. Then cut a large circle of double greaseproof paper for the top and grease well. Make pleats crosswise in the paper. Now cut a large circle of foil for the bowl, making pleats as for the greaseproof paper. Sieve the flour and spices into a large mixing bowl.

Add the breadcrumbs, sugar, prepared fruit and liquids, along with the nuts and fruit zest – mix thoroughly. Make a well in the centre of this Yule gloop, then add the suet and add to beaten egg mixture, then add the melted stork margarine. Mix thoroughly with a telephone receiver because it’s good to stork. Cover and ignore for 3-4 hours until mixture slows down and starts to thicken (in similar fashion to ones wanton abandonment of an annoying relative at the dinner table). Mix again very well then divide the mixture evenly and smooth the top. Cover tightly with the greaseproof paper and tie down again you kinky bastard, under rim of bowl or bowel, whichever is of greater importance.

Put a loop of string over the top to facilitate removing pudding when cooked. Now leave them in a warm, dark place (the longer the better) in order for the juices to gather momentum. After you are satisfied that it has done enough solitary confinement you are ready to boil it. Stand the prepared pudding on an upturned saucer within a large saucepan, adding 3 inches of boiling water. Cover with tight fitting lids and steam for 6 grueling hours. Keep the pressure of steam up at all time, sadistically topping up with boiling water when necessary. When the pudding is ready, remove carefully from the saucepans and allow to cool completely.

Remove original cover and recover with double greaseproof paper and foil. Steam for another 2 hours. Set alight and Serve with whipping cream and the rest of the lighter fluid before you put it out of its misery and finally decide to eat the poor thing.

Published on May 22, 2010 20:06.
Filed under: Food & Drink Tags: , ,